New Congressman Wows Senate Floor
The entire Senate floor rose in applause Tuesday, only three days after resuming operations. The reason? An outsider, a curve ball, an unexpected variable. A new senator, who is, miraculously, quickly gaining full support from both the GOP and the Democrats.
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Alexander the Grape Conquers Mall of America
Bloomington, Minnesota -- Mallgoers were stunned yesterday to see Alexander the Grape, known primarily as the purple-flavored Otter Pop, ride into the famous Mall of America on his war chariot, followed by a full legion of soldiers.
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DAILY PHOTO JOURNAL
Unveiling of Panda Mom and Panda Baby Detracted By Unnatural Freakishness of Onlooker
INTERNATIONAL
Cold War still over, say experts.
STOCKS
OTTERPOPS +454
POPICE -28
TECHNOLOGY
"Fire useful," claims caveman.
FINANCIAL
Money, in addition to being fun to own, is also very pretty.
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