My father once told me that to get somewhere, you must understand others, and get along with them. It was one of the few conversations we had. Eventually, some business associates buried him in his own dung. Here is my strategy for getting along with others.
1. Use Humor. Take a deep breath, and aim for the midsection.
2. Sometimes, when I am in a rush, I use small cards with my name on them to introduce myself to others.
3. Acid can be used to disfigure. Used sparingly, this can win you more friends than you'd ever believe.
4. Have your XO deal with others, while you remain in your tent, brooding. To maximize brooding time, leave XO small post it notes rather than talking directly to him.
5. Identify and label the salient segments of your social heirarchy. For example, saying "Hey nerds," is much quicker and more efficient than individualizing greetings.
6. Trees are people too. Sending birthday cards into the forest made of human flesh will let the trees know that you care.
7. It is considered polite to respond to your friends when they call you with the customary "Yes, I am interested in saving money on long distance."
8. Death brings people together. Kill your friends.
9. Imaginary friends, spouses, and/or children can not be claimed as dependents on your 1040. Do not tell them this.
10. Consider others feelings. The art of Dim Mak will teach you which nerve endings can cause lethal damage.
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